Connie, we donâ€™t understand as you describe if you have gotten the help you need yet, but I am a 55 year old Christian man who is recovering from abusing my wife in much the same way. Most of the visits from my Pastor and guidance I was doing that we had just didnâ€™t penetrate the strong denial of what. I need to be mindful right here and never state your spouse is a abuser that is domestic but this event you describe is abusive. Being â€œhurtâ€ you is what I used to do to my wife that he didnâ€™t get his way, then using his anger to belittle and control. As males, we are able to abuse the ability within our relationship and turn so hooked on power and control and never also understand because our selfish pride stops us from seeing the massive â€œlog inside our very own attention. we are carrying it outâ€ It causes us the culprit the spouse.